Cripin Glover, David Duchovny, and Sequel Money
by Judgement Day
Summary: In yet another 60-minute fiasco, FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully investigate a certain rat-manipulater known as Willard
1. A Generic Beggining

A Generic Beginning -  
  
The offices of FBI Special Agent Fox Mulder were cluttered as usual. Amongst piles of papers and other objects on almost every surface, and the infamous posters that adorned the room's walls, Agent Mulder himself might be spotted sitting behind his desk, busily working away on his computer. He continued typing for another moment, starring intently at whatever was on the screen. Then agent Scully walked in. "Now tell me, what was so important that it couldn't wait until morning?" asked Scully, obviously still drowsy from being awakened by her phone less than an hour earlier. "We have a new case." Said Mulder curtly, not looking up from his desk. "Oh really? Right now?" asked Scully, taking the lack of eye-contact as a sign to be heading over to Mulder's desk. "What is it now? Aliens abduct the President? Zombie eating corpses out of an obscure graveyard in rural Maryland?" "Not really." replied Mulder as he made a last click with his mouse, and stood up, turning to Scully, file-in-hand. "What then?" "A man, in is living in his basement. He has no friends, and as a result has made friends with some rats--" Scully cut him off: "So, your average 40-year-old computer nerd?" "Not THOSE kinds of rats" replied Mulder, "I mean the small furry ones." "So he's friends with rats. What makes this an X-File, or even a crime?" "Well. There's been a string of murders recently in his area...people mauled by rats." "I don't think rats regularly go out mauling." "Exactly. We believe this man may be making the rats scary and evil." "Making rats scary. isn't that a bit redundant?" Mulder paused for a moment at that one, then replied, "Eh.. that's not the point. The point is that we need to go off on yet another quest that will last several days, but be able to be summarized into about sixty minutes, in which we'll stop this fiend." "Oh please, Mulder. Aliens and zombies are a big if, but someone who controls rats? That's ridiculous." "It's true, Dana. And the government has known all along they just--" Scully held up a hand, silencing Mulder, she sighed, "Alright, alright, let's go. I can book the next flight on my palm." "Good." Said Mulder. The two began to head for the door. "Hey...Fox, don't you think it's a little strange how we have the same paranormal vs. realism argument before every case that we inevitably participate in?" "We can't help it, Dana. Remember what I told you about the 'Writers' who are the true puppet masters of our existence?" "Oh not this again." started Scully. "It's true I tell you!" exclaimed Mulder. And they left. 


	2. SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME, SOMEDATE

SOMEWHERE IN CANNONFODDERVILLE, USA

            5:46:12 PM, 3/16/03 –

            Agent Mulder and Scully pulled slowly to a stop in front of the apartment building in the obscure town. The exited, both standing and looking up at the apartment before them.

            "We should go in and talk to the residents" said Mulder, beginning a walk towards the front door, with Scully right behind. They entered, as it were, to a dark area, but before any surveying might be done, the scene would be immediately cut to the two in a hallway, with Mulder knocking on a door.

            "Who's out der?!" came a voice from the inside, a sole eyeball appearing the in peephole. 

            "FBI, open up." said Mulder, raising his voice so he could be heard.

            "Ehkay" they heard from within as the door opened, revealing an obese man in a white tank-top and boxer shorts with crumbs littering his mouth.

            "Come in!" he said, gesturing the agents into a room cluttered with piles of magazines, a filthy couch and a small TV on blaring an auto insurance commercial. At the other end of the room was a small table, and a noisy refrigerator, wide open and filled with some of the most disgusting substances seen by either of the agents in all their years in the investigation of the super-natural. 

            "So, we hear there've been some murders around here." Began Mulder

            "Eh? Oh..yeh..some peoples, have been dyin', yeh know." Began the man

            "Right. Well, I believe they may have been killed by--"

            Before Mulder could finish, there was a loud rustling sound. The man cursed loudly, running to his air conditioner and pressing his back against the half-open hatch that linked with the rest of the ventilation system. He pressed his large mass against the thing, the whole activity seeming sort of strange.

            Mulder looked at the man questioningly, and then continued, "Anyway..so, we believe they may be being mauled by rats which are being controlled by a peculiar man in the basement."

            "That—that's ridiculous!" exclaimed the man, pressing a bit harder on the shaft behind him, as the rustling noise grew louder.

            Mulder sighed and turned to Scully,

            "Why do they always have to try and cover up the supernatural problem?"

            "Fox, maybe they aren't. Ever considered that everyone denies it because there isn't any supernatural phenomenon going on?!"

            "That's _possible, Dana, but personally, I think it's because the Puppet master Writers need to prolong our investigation so it conveniently meets the 60-minute fiasco summary."_

            "Oh not this again…" started Scully. Mulder turned to the obese man again,

            "Thank you for your time sir." And with that he turned and headed for the door, Scully right behind him.

            "Watch yourself!" called the man, as the two exited the room and closed the door.

From outside in the hall, Agent Mulder and Scully assessed what had just transpired between themselves when I high-pitched scream of pure blood-curdling agony came from within the apartment they'd just exited.

            "We've got to help him!" cried Mulder, "It must be the rats!"

            "Oh please, Fox. It's probably just him realizing how disgusting his refrigerator is."

            "Eh…well..I guess, for once, I'll give in to your realism, Dana. Some…force..feels like it's urging me not to figure things out right now..eh..I don't know. Let's just go."

            And the two headed back down the hall, to the elevator, to continue to investigation.


End file.
